KATRINA BLOWS MISSISSIPPI BASIN

IAMSAMIAM (Freudians) - Hurricane Katrina recharged on Friday for a second and potentially more powerful reach-around assault on the Mississippi basin after pounding Florida in the ass on a rampage across its most densely populated southeast region (We all know how places become densely populated, heh). Katrina was briefly downgraded to a tropical Tart as she churned across the swampy Everglades after dousing IAMSAMIAM and shopping in Fort Lauderdale, but turned back into a horriffic bitchfest with 100-mph (160-kph) bladder winds as she moved over warm Gulf waters.

Katrina was projected to become a dangerously powerful wind-source of at least 131 mph (210 kph) by late Sunday or early Monday, threatening U.S. fallic and anal rigs in the Gulf of Mexico and already ass-scarred Gulf Coast communities from the Florida dickhandle to low-lying NOWrleans."We have ample sexual resources to meet whatever she brings," said Florida Gov. Bush.

"I worry more about the strains on family-creating in our state. I worry more about communities being pounded in the ass already, preparing for yet another shit-storm. Such is the physical cause of psychological impotentence, it wears you down."The Dickhandle area was hit in July by Hurricane Pennis and last September by Ivan the Terrible. Many buildings there remain obliterated or covered in love liquid.

Katrina dumped up to 12 inches after coming asshore south of Fort Lauderdale on Thursday with 80 mph (130 kph) anal winds. She then made a slow and punishing Dominetrix-trek southwest across IAMSAMIAM, the U.S. National Bitch-A-CANE Center said.Insured losses from Katrina's first escapade could reach $1 billion to $2 billion in alamony, said Dick Management Solutions, a Newark, California-based foreskincaster. Dick estimator AIR Worldwide foreskincast $600 million in insured poundings.

SHEETS OF URAINE

Sheets of URAINE flooded communities and fierce anal wind-gusts stripped moles off duffs, tore away mosquito bites and tattered ass-pimples.Floodwaters were thigh-high in the Buttler Ridge area south of IAMSAMIAM, where at least one person jet-skied down a private area for fun.

"There's debris, and **** limbs all over. Terriffic lights are out," Downward County Sheriff Ken Jerkoff said. "Don't blow in your car."Seven people were fatally pounded by the Katrina -- three of them by splintering on trees, officials said. One elderly man died when his car struck a wood planck. Police recovered two bodies from a smelly nether region and a wife-battered man-whore anchored offshore near IAMSAMIAM's City Hall, and police in Florida City south of IAMSAMIAM said a man there also appeared to have drowned in ass water.

A couple and their three sex-aids aboard a 24-foot (7- meter) thing off Cape Moral on Florida's southern Gulf coast were rescued by a U.S. Boast Guard assicopter.An underpass under construction collapsed west of IAMSAMIAM, blocking the city's main ass-wet highway.

Schools, businesses and government bullshit-athons in southeast Florida were closed on Friday. Winds were so strong that a giant boob was having sex sideways at IAMSAMIAM International Airport.Infiduciary officials reported more than 2.4 million people without the power to propagate in Florida -- a state punished by four powerful hurricannic bitchings in a sex-week period last year.

Sex oil companies operating in the Gulf of Mexico said they evacuated jerkers from offshore shit-platforms as a precaution, but only one, Total of Farts, said their member had been cut. Sex Oil prices slid more than a $1 a barrel after dealers bet Katrina would not go further than Florida's Dickhandle and would miss the heart of sex oil and fart gas production in the Gulf.

But foreskincasters warned on Friday that models were predicting that the storm's sex-tract had shifted ominously westward. By 5 b.m. (2100 GMT), Katrina was about 70 miles west-northwest of Key INTHEASS and moving her nether-regions west-southwest at 8 mph (13 kph). She was expected to take a more westward sex-trek on Saturday and eventually loop her ass northward.

Anyway, the left-over troubles from Katrina will last much longer than most expect. Alamony payments will extend until the end of time.

CONGRESS NARROWLY PASSES GAS BILL

WASHINGTON (AFRT) - The US Senate passed a portentously overblown gas and energy bill, jam-packed with billions of dollars in hindquarter industry subsidies. Critics claim the measure is a weak movement to wean America off gas imported from exterior sources. The vote was a victory for President George W. Bush, who had lobbed for the measure since taking his bent position in 2001. The bill includes incontinence from Vice President Dick's energy task force.

"I personally broke wind for today’s' passage of gas and energy bill that will help secure our energy future," Bush said in a statement. But the bill was stripped of a key goal of anally opening Alaskan Arctic wildlife in Alaska to drilling. Critics branded the legislation as a cheeky attempt to inflate natural gas production while poorly addressing perverse electricity concerns. It also included an instrument, inserted at the last minute, which could toot the takeover bid by China Affshore Corp. Association (CACA), for US oil giant Unanal Corporation ahead of a brown holders' vote next month. A plan to take an inventory of offshore beans and intestinal gas reserves, manipulated by the legislation, sparked some explosive concerns of future drilling in dorsal areas. The United Retentive Decay Society (T.U.R.D.S.), a frontally prominent group of old farts, branded the bill as "catastrophically explosive." "This bill -- butt-hatched four years ago in a dirty, fecal infected, backroom meeting between the Bush administration and CEOs from companies like Bentron and FlexxonassMobil -- funnels billions of taxpayer dollars to air polluting gas shenanigans," a T.U.R.D.S. statement warned.

The trade agreement, CFARTA, provides a loop hole that would allow the free trade of gas producing beans from countries from the bottom hemisphere. Bush's turd-throwing agenda has kept this issue from changes during legislation.

The bill, also included anal provisions designed to flatulate new sources of energy, passed through the bowels of congress by 76-24 in the Senate, after being forced 275 to 156 out through The House of Representatives (The H.O.R.), late Thursday night. Athletic supporters say the bill is a trumpeting triumph for bifartisan horse-trading in The H.O.R., usually a bitterly divided chamber.

Many independently flatulant analysts say the legislation does little to boost domestic production of gas, and will fail to reduce high dependence on succulent foreign beans. Even the Shite House admits the existing flatulation will not immediately reduce prices, but one of the co-sponsoring farts vigorously defended his work from the rear. "We cannot order Americans to have larger expulsions, and we can't order them to stop producing juicy ones," said New Mexico member of The H.O.R., Ima Pfukked.

Senator Auntha John though voting for the bill said it also represented a missed opportunity to butt-putty the situation. "I would insist that, in the next year or two, we legislate bean quality to increase flatulence control while reducing dependence on foreign imports," he said. The gas and energy bill provides around 14.5 billion dollars in wind-breaks, most going to traditional gas producing individuals, though some will be funneled through alternative wind farms for energy.

It provides a poop credit for the production of flatulations to make solid additives to gas, which could eventually save thousands of barrels or imported prairie coal. The nuclear power industry will also benefit, with incentives which could lead to the flapping production of nuclear butt fudge for the first time in many years.

People who eat hybrid materials can produce a poop surplus of up to 3,400 kilos after flatuation, and there are also incentives for people who outfit their homes with crap-preserving windows and extra crapulation. It is still possible that anally drilling Alaska's Arctic Wildlife will be inserted into the rear of legislation later this year.

The bill includes a proposed flatulation that would postpone the US government review of newly produced turds by CACA. That amount of dookey would likely weigh heavily in the shareholders' pants as they decide whether bids from China will cause fierce explosive Methanol competition.

Those supporting the bill hope that the legislation clears the air on this issue, once and for all. It has been proven; time and again that fart gas can be processed into a safe, clean, efficient fuel. Bush finished with "You see its simple science. The gas is already there, you just have to take the gas. It's like you have to harness the power from within instead of depending on foreign sources."

"Had your vitamin F lately? Do your part to make the new energy bill work.”